


someone to stay

by mytsukkishine



Category: Naruto
Genre: 2020 KakaIru Fest Exchange, Angst and Feels, Bad Dreams, Best Boyfriend Hatake Kakashi, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Female Umino Iruka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:35:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29337648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mytsukkishine/pseuds/mytsukkishine
Summary: Iruka knows how much it hurts Kakashi every time she cries over him. It's been years, but the thought of Mizuki still resides in Iruka's heart, still heavy and suffocating. He still visits Iruka in her dreams, and it just broke her more and more for she knows it'll always be her fault.But Kakashi- he just hugged her and loved her along with all the baggage that came with her.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31
Collections: A Very Special KakaIru Exchange!





	someone to stay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IonFusion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IonFusion/gifts).



> rated M just to be safe because of bad dreams :D 
> 
> please enjoy!!

Iruka releases a tired sigh as she closes the door behind her. Silence welcomes her as she scans around the area, taking note of the quietness. Kakashi is nowhere to be seen but she can definitely sense his chakra from upstairs. 

"I'm home." Iruka speaks softly, a small smile appearing on her face as she feels the slight flair of her boyfriend’s chakra. Successfully taking her shoes off, Iruka quietly makes her way towards the kitchen, the smile on the chunin’s face growing bigger when she spots a meal already prepared and ready to be consumed. Iruka walks over to the table and removes one of the covers. 

The sensei chuckles, looking at the fried gyoza and miso soup- their favorite. Putting the cover back, Iruka leisurely makes her way back to the hallway, and stops at the bottom of the stairs once she feels Kakashi’s chakra nearing her. 

"Hey," Kakashi greets from the top. He's wearing a loose top and sweatpants, bare of any mask or hitai-ate, and with his usual disheveled hair. Iruka greets back with a small smile, her heart thumping against her chest as Kakashi's happy expression turns soft. 

"Have you eaten?" Kakashi asks as he reaches the bottom of the stairs where Iruka is and immediately pulls the chunin towards him gently, her hands automatically circling their way around Kakashi's waist. 

They remain in each other’s embrace for a while, just the two of them lost in one another’s presence, and Iruka is thankful that she doesn’t need to say anything else for Kakashi to understand what she’s going through right now. 

_Kakashi is the best at understanding her._

"Want to eat first or take a bath?" Kakashi murmurs against her hair, dropping a light kiss after. Iruka just hums in return and buries her face in the crook of Kakashi's neck, trying her best to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. 

But Kakashi's presence is just so overwhelmingly calming it makes her want to just pour everything right then and there. 

"Iruka?" Kakashi calls out so softly and so understanding that at this point, the chunin wonders if she even deserves him. 

"I'm okay…" 

"You can talk to me," He answers immediately as his hand begins rubbing soothing circles over her back, making the chunin relax in his hold. 

"I will, just… I think a bath sounds nice." Iruka only gets a hum in return and before she can open her mouth, Kakashi lifts her up as if she weighs nothing. She protests softly, only for it to pass through deaf ears as the jounin beams her a smile Iruka knows he only gives to her. 

And it's enough to send a warm feeling down her stomach amidst the thunderstorms running through her heart and head. Kakashi really is the best at understanding her.

As Kakashi walks them upstairs and into their room where she knows a warm bath was probably prepared for her already, she can't help but to stare at the features of her lover before her. From the sharp jawline and pointy nose, to those pink lips and warm eyes that have only looked at her with adoration- he is a complete opposite of _him._

Iruka knows Kakashi will never be him. They're the complete opposite. But her heart still aches at the idea of him. 

_He was still a friend before the mess._

Was she lacking something, and that's why she couldn't save him? That's why he drowned in his own thoughts?

"I love you." Kakashi says out of the blue, and that's when Iruka realizes that tears are unconsciously falling down from her eyes. She wipes them off, but it seems like the more she wipes her tears, the more they come flooding out. 

"I'm-" 

"I love you. If I can say it to ease whatever you're feeling, then I'll say it over and over again." 

_Kakashi is really so understanding._

And Iruka feels so sorry she's pulling him down. 

When they finally reached the bathroom, a warm bath was indeed waiting for her. Kakashi gently lay her down on the covered toilet bowl before cupping her face. Iruka is still crying as Kakashi kisses her cheeks softly- his lips warm and speaking gently to her about how strong and brave Iruka is for facing this day. 

This dreadful day Iruka won't be able to forget and will always blame herself for it. 

Kakashi then proceeds to remove her clothing gently- starting from her sandals and the bands around her legs. Once done, he then helps her out of her flak jacket and shirt, along with her pants. 

"Kakashi…" Iruka calls out, sniffing a little as Kakashi drops a few kisses on her bare shoulders. 

"It's okay," 

"I'm sorry." her apology only gets a soft hum in return as Kakashi unclasps her undergarments. After that, the jounin draws back a little to check the bath. 

Amidst being naked, Iruka feels comfortable. She feels especially warm as Kakashi guides her to the bath. 

"I'll let you be for a while, hm?" Kakashi says and kneels beside the tub so he can lean in and plant a kiss on Iruka's forehead.

And as Iruka lays on the tub with her head resting on the rim, she can't help but to think back to what happened today. 

Today marks the death anniversary of her childhood friend and first love, Mizuki. That name still haunts her to this day with all sorts of emotions, and deep down, Iruka blames herself for his death. Even though she received reassurance countless times that it isn’t her fault, and it never will be, Iruka still feels her inside slowly being killed every time she remembers him.

She sniffs, sinking deeper into the bathtub until only half of her face remains above water. 

Iruka remembers it vividly like it was just yesterday when Mizuki struck her on her back. It hurts, the words he spewed towards her and Naruto. She didn’t know her friend was suffering from his own thoughts, she didn’t have a single idea that her friend felt that way towards her when all she knows is that-

_She’s a failure_. 

Iruka didn’t get to save Mizuki, what more if-

Then amidst the thoughts clouding her mind, Kakashi’s soft smile appears. The jounin who she barely knows is suddenly all over her, guiding and helping her through the healing process. It wasn’t easy, but Kakashi made it bearable, alongside Naruto. And as years passed, Mizuki broke out of jail, and- and the blood running down her arms as she pressed against his wounds were nothing compared to the glare his friend gave to her. In the brink of death, he still despised her and Iruka's heart only broke further.

It was suffocating to say the least, as she recalls earlier. Her day had gone smoothly for the most part. Iruka had breakfast with Kakashi, and she left around ten in the morning. The chunin took her time wandering through the streets of Konoha first, stopping at any shop that would somehow remind her less of what she’s about to face. It wasn’t until Iruka went and bought a dozen of white lilies that dread started to pour into her.

And as soon as she stopped in front of his grave, Iruka was once again weighed down by all of her baggage she just couldn’t seem to let go.

  
“Iruka.” 

The chunin blinks, her wide eyes brimmed with red as she looks over the doorway. Iruka didn’t even realize that she was crying. Her soft sobs echoing around the tiled walls. Kakashi probably heard her, and nervousness suddenly runs through her. However, the jounin only beams a soft smile, a towel and robe hanging over his arm. 

Without a word, the jounin makes his way over to her, puts the towel and robe on the closed toilet seat, and grabs for the shampoo bottle above her. 

“You haven’t washed your hair?”

Iruka shakes her head, a little embarrassed as she gently wipes away her tears, only to stop as Kakashi gently pries her hands off and proceeds to do it with his own. 

And as Kakashi’s lean fingers massage her scalp- carding with such delicateness that one would wonder if Kakashi is the same famous Copy-Nin that had killed so many others.  
  
  


_He is, but he's different. Much more different than the rest._

  
.   
  


Dinner went great after. The two of them ate in silence with the soft hum from the radio playing in the background. Iruka was really thankful because not only was Kakashi so attentive, he also didn't ask any questions regarding how her day went. 

Iruka knows they need to talk about today, but not now. Not when it still hurts even after years of _him_ being gone. 

It isn't until the two of them are lying on the bed, the moonlight slicing through the windows, covering the two of them like some sort of soft spotlight that Iruka finds herself anxiously waiting for sleep to come to her. 

Every year with no fail, around this week, he'll visit her in her dreams. Often, they aren't good. Iruka sometimes asks if she deserves these bad memories haunting her, as he hauntingly spews at her in her dreams with blood dripping down his mouth--

Kakashi suddenly holds her hand and soon scoops her up in his embrace. 

_You are so good to me._

  
  


\- - * - - 

  
  


_Running, running, and running. When will Iruka stop running?_

_The chunin breathes out heavily, her insides churning as her lungs feel like drowning. No, she must keep going._

_Iruka needs to find Mizuki. She needs to tell him that everything can still be fixed, that everything will be okay- that Iruka is willing to go away just for him to remain in Konohagakure._

_Just for him to not leave his fiancé._

_Iruka stops as soon as he sees a white light ahead. Blinded and a little confused, she tries to jump again, only to fall in an endless dark pit that somehow makes it harder for her to breathe._

_Iruka screams, voiceless and stuck._

_Stuck in a choke-hold of tears and anxiety as Mizuki's voice echoes._

_And then in one blink, Iruka is once again in the forest. The silence is deafening, the atmosphere cold and dead, and the ground below slightly wet._

_Iruka looks down on her lap with tears running down from her eyes like a broken faucet, unable to stop, unable to control._

_Mizuki’s head rests on her lap. Bloodied and slowly being drained of life. Iruka tries to hold him, to cover the wound on his chest- to stop the bleeding. But then Mizuki just smiles up at her._

_"You didn't save me…"_

_And then the world spins, Iruka is running again. Still out of breath._

_“Stop!” The moment Iruka turns around, her world falls once again and now she’s on her knees as before but this time, instead of Mizuki’s head on her lap, it’s Kakashi and he’s-_

_Iruka calls out for him- yelling, and crying, but it seems like her mouth was sewn, stuck, and unable to let out her voice to call for her beloved that’s slowly dying in her arms._

_Kakashi blinks his eyes weakly, his mismatched irises looking up at her with tears pouring from his right, and blood from his left._

_“You… you didn’t save me.”_

_Iruka shakes her head as a whimper rips out from her throat._

_No. No. No._

_“Why, Iruka? Why? Why did you let this happen!”_

_No._

_Kakashi.  
  
_

_Kakashi-_

  
  


“Kakashi!” Iruka jolts up, her hair hitting her neck and face as she lets out a loud scream. Her breathing is fast and unstable, panic rising within as Kakashi's name escapes her mouth again and again. 

Suddenly rough hands pull her by the wrist, her face landing on a sturdy chest, and strong arms circles her entire being. Iruka lets out a sob, the familiar scent of her lover enters her nostrils, somehow bringing the chunin back to reality.

“I’m here, I’m here.” Kakashi’s soft voice repeats, his lips over her hair as he sways them together softly. 

Iruka continues to cry, her hands automatically going up to claw at the back of Kakashi’s shirt for some sort of grip- proof that this is reality and Kakashi isn’t going anywhere. She cries Kakashi’s name softly, only to get a kiss on the top of her head every time she says his name. 

Kakashi hugs Iruka tighter, and Iruka clings harder. 

It isn’t long after when the chunin’s cries finally subside to small hiccups that Kakashi pulls back a little, his heart breaking at the sight of puffy eyes and a red nose looking up at him. With gentle movements, he maneuvers the both of them in a comfortable position- Kakashi scooping the chunin in his arms, while Iruka snuggles herself into a ball, resting her head against Kakashi's sturdy chest. 

"Bad dream?" The jounin tries to start a light conversation, not really wanting to force an explanation out of the chunin. He knows what it feels like to be haunted, and he needs to calm her first before anything else. 

And honestly, Kakashi is well aware of what Iruka is going through this week. It isn't easy for her, the same as how it isn't easy for him every time he remembers his father's death. So comfort is all Kakashi can offer right now. Comfort and his presence. 

He puts one hand over her legs, rubbing them gently while his other support her back. Kakashi drops a small kiss on the top of her head, his heart drumming violently against his chest as he tries not to tear up. 

It's so hard being broken, but it's harder to see the one you love the most being broken because of someone else. _Over and over again._

"I'm sorry…" Iruka starts off with a hoarse voice, "I am so so sorry Kakashi." 

"Iruka-koi," Sure enough, Kakashi's voice makes the chunin look up at him- Kakashi's chest tightening at how her eyes plead up at him as if she has done something wrong. 

"What are you apologizing for, love?" 

"For everything. For still… thinking of him." Iruka hiccups, her brown eyes scanning Kakashi's face, afraid to see any discomfort or annoyance from him, but Iruka sees none. Only love and tenderness and understanding. 

Iruka knows it breaks not only her heart, but also Kakashi's every time she cries about Mizuki. It's been years and she just can't seem to let go of this baggage yet. 

"I'm so sorry for hurting you by going through this with me. I love you so much, Kakashi. I'll be better soon." 

"I sometimes wonder if you're really the smart one in our relationship," Kakashi chuckles softly, "Iruka, look at me." Kakashi smiles as his lover peeks up at him. He brings his hand up to cup her cheeks, his thumb wiping her tears away. 

"I'll say this again and again, and I won't get tired of saying this. I love you and I accept everything that is you." He then starts carding his fingers through her hair, straightening out any knots and tangles. "But I do wish that you'd also let me carry some of the baggage you have like how you carry mine. I love you, Iruka." 

"Kakashi…" Tears start to well up and seconds later, Iruka is once again crying, her tears soaking a spot on his shirt as her hands grip Kakashi's shoulders. Iruka starts off by telling him how her day went, and how her heart ached when she saw some vandalism on her friend's grave. 

And Kakashi listens, humming and nodding along, thanking her for telling him everything. Eventually, Iruka calms down and is reduced to quiet hiccups. Kakashi moves them again, helping her to sit up against the headboard, putting a blanket over her legs. 

Kakashi smiles down at Iruka. "I'll get you a glass of water and then let's try to go back to sleep, okay?" 

Iruka weakly nods with a small smile on her lips. 

Yet as Kakashi is about to turn, Iruka stops him and grabs him by the wrist. The jounin glances back at her with a raised brow. 

With pink tinted cheeks, Iruka pulls Kakashi's hand towards her lips and gently kisses his knuckle. 

"I love you so much, Kakashi." 

Kakashi's heart skips a beat, "I love you more."   
  
  


\- - * - -  
  
  


Iruka sighs, her cold hands trapped in between Kakashi's clasped hands as her eyes raked over her lover's sleeping face. 

The time is now two in the morning, the moon still bright and giving comfort to souls that are still awake. Iruka blinks and admires how long Kakashi's lashes were, every strand has a different length but all are kissing his cheeks delicately. Kakashi has a pointy nose, a little red from the cold, and chapped lips that utter nothing but kindness to her. 

Taking one hand out of Kakashi's grasp, Iruka lays it over her lover's hands.

Kakashi wasn’t really the first person Iruka had in mind in being a relationship with. She barely knew him, he was just that infamous ninja that obtained a Sharingan. However, somehow the Copy-nin wormed his way not just in Iruka's nerves - from how he submits reports, and that one time about the chunin exams - but he also warmed up Iruka's heart. 

The two of them have their own baggage, have their own demons, but Kakashi-

Iruka bites her lips as her hand goes up to gently caress the side of Kakashi's face. 

_Both of their baggage breaks their hearts._ It's heavy, and it’s hard to let someone help you carry it, but when Kakashi had first opened his and showed everything to Iruka, she knew Kakashi is also willing to carry hers. 

Iruka moves her thumb over his scar, only for Kakashi to open his eyes after, surprising the brunet a little. 

The jounin smiles and doesn't do anything. Slowly, Iruka leans in and presses her lips against his.

"Thank you." 

And as their lips meet again, Iruka can't be anymore happier as she knows that the arms wrapped around her are from someone that's willing to stay. 

**Author's Note:**

> goshh, i hope my giftee enjoys this :D  
> (and I think they probably know who I am already ehe X3)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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